I'm curious what you guys favorite biopics are?

and occasionally yelling, "ouch!"  Ah, Sunday night.

Yesterday, I thought I heard my neighbors' dog yelping on the other side of the wall. I was about to text them to let them know their dog was hurt. Put the period on the end of the sentence and everything.

And that's when I realized it wasn't the dog crying out in pain; it was them having sex.

Oops.

here is a picture of the new sign that went up yesterday in window of health food store down the block from work.

 

i had to stop in to replenish my cod liver oil supply anyway and so i checked the cooler and sure enough, they are selling pot o' gold raw milk... and her markup is only 10 cents a bottle from the dairy price. i can pick it up whenever i want and need not worry about preordering, being on the list for pickup every saturday, or having to cancel when i get sent away again (i haven't had any fresh raw milk since... october, right when i *just* put myself on the rotation again after SNC, and surprise! all the sudden, i got sent to NM and had to bail out at the dairy). another great thing is i wouldn't have to drive up to the dairy every saturday... it has at times felt like a chore to go up there almost all the way to corry just for milk... a nice trip out of warren because i like the back roads and such, but why waste fuel when i can just pick up milk on demand on the way to or from work? i told the woman there that, yes i would be getting milk from her... just so she has some demand and keeps stocking it. i hope she does, i have no clue who else in this down drinks raw milk... i think they drink a lot of keystone lite beer more than anything else in this town.

 

anyway... i am doing OK. i want you to know that.

 

yesterday i sat down with a councilor and started working out stuff. jess... i dunno... i can't

3 words:  Dollhouse. My Gawd.

This is in response to my previous post asking what drama I missed over the last few days I was mostly away:

You guys confirmed that the drama was just the Benda/Carla thing. I was wondering if there was something else I missed. I caught some of GC's post on my iphone while at the boat show. I called out Carla on it late Friday Night when I got home. The transcript is below, but first a little background for context.

I never corresponded with Benda, but Carla started chatting with me over the last couple months and was a regular in my journals. I didn't really understand why the young social conservative form the mountains would be interested in older, progressive me, but I sensed a loneliness in her and thought maybe I was something of a virtual daddy for her since she was definitely a daddy's girl. It was always completely wholesome and despite or opposing political/religious views we both seemed to like the modest amount of correspondence we had with each other.

The following message were exchanged Friday night after I had read some of GC's post:

 

From OO:

• Hey,
  What's the deal with you and Benda? Was she one of your socks? And what about Carla? Is she a sock as well? Who are you really? Please just tell me the truth.

  Sent to CarlaTeaches

 

From

Gingrich questioning Romney's honesty is just fantastically hypocritical. 

 

http://www.cnn.com/2012/01/29/politics/campaign-wrap/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

Did you her that some scientist in Europe bio-engineered dragon milk? Apparently they developed a cow with short legs. 

For the first time... completely different than skiing. I don't think it's as natural and I fell a lot, but I'm gonna try again. My ass is so sore!​

One of your senses will be twice as powerful/accurate as it is currently. You can choose which; however, you must also choose one of your senses to become half as powerful/accurate as it is currently.

Which do you choose to enhance, and which to hinder?

1. Sight

2. Hearing

3. Taste

4. Smell

5. Touch

 

Sight includes sharpness of visions as well as night sight. Your eyes can still be damaged by bright lights or eyestrain. Hearing enhances your range and allows you to discern different sounds more easily. Your ears are more easily damaged by loud noises. Taste gives you a more intense taste experience while being able to discern different tastes more easily, as well as your taste buds remaining accurate even when oversaturated with input. Smell gives you a more sensitive nose as well as being able to identify different scents more easily. Touch gives you hyper-sensitive fingertips and more intense physical sensation.

 

You cannot choose the same sense twice.

If you've been reading this journal over the last several months, you'll know I've been working on a novel.  I finished it a while back, and have been playing the agent game: trying to attract the attention of an agent to sell it to a publisher.  With ebooks being so popular, I decided to skip the traditional publishing route and do this myself.  So, I will soon have it available via Amazon for the Kindle, and Barnes and Noble for Nook.  I think it's also going to be listed as an iBook at some point soon.

Now my shameless plug: you can be an early adopter and pick up Awake right now through Lulu.  It's a science fiction story of grief, love, time travel, and parallel worlds.  This is a full-length novel, over 80,000 words of entertainment. 

It's amazing how much technology has changed over the last 25 years.  When I was 16, and wanting to be a novelist, personal computers were just starting to take off, and a word processor could run you several thousand dollars.  Back then the "vanity press" had a certain stigma attached to it, and I suppose it still does.  But with ebooks, you can reach a huge audience immediately.

I still would love to have a book published the old fashioned way, as I love the feel of a book in my hands.  Maybe the next book will go that route.

out

   [out] adverb 1. away from, or not in, the normal or usual place, position, state, etc.: out of alphabetical order; to go out to dinner.

Trying to go, make some order, go some place new.

Incomplete Directions/Instructions

The Title is NOT as Cryptic as it appears.  The Fact is--I decided to replace the Burnt Out Signal Bulb in the Hoopity Once and for All( Bad Weather, Cold Weather, Windy Weather all of them caught me at some point in the past 2 months and it would be the height of stupidity not to take advantage of the unseasonably mild weather).  I have replaced bulbs in both older and late model vehicles and this includes the Front Signal Bulbs for the Hoopity but never a Rear Bulb but the Situation arose and the task had to be done.  This said How Can ANYONE Correctly effect a repair if the Directions are Incomplete????

Unfortunately, it was/is not so easy on GM F3 Generation Cars due to how the Tail Light Cover fits to the body of the car and that brings me back to the Journal's Heading:  I have a Haynes( not Chilton as I may have incorrectly stated previously) Service Manual for the car.  It is supposed to cover a complete "Tear Down" of the car so that backyard mechanics such as myself can correctly repair or replace parts as needed and in Chapter 10: 4 of the Manual it covers replacing Rear Panel Signal Bulbs.  The Only Problem and it is a BIG PROBLEM--it leaves out Critical Information.  I wonder if the same Monkey Ass GM Engineers who designed the Car also wrote the Book???????????????????????????

A quick recap:  First it is necessary remove the ENTIRE REAR INTERIOR panel to replace a

Don't you hate it when people stop talking to you without explanation?

Morrissey from interview in 1993:

What effect does NY have to you - more than sixteen years after your first visit to this city where your idols in those days (NY Dolls, Patti Smith) were let loose?

M: More depressing than in those days. It's simple, there's strictly nothing appealing in this city. It is meant to be a source of inspiration, a stimulating place for artists. But it desn't seem to me a reason to endure all of its sordid aspects. This city breathes selfishness, it seems totally in lack of generosity. It isn't even beautiful to look at. Actually, like so many young admirers of rock, I had a completely romantic, idyllic vision of NY. People fantasize about its sticky (?) image. But NY in everyday life is only depression. The existence of the Max Kansas City isn't enough to make people forget the overflow of human misery this city carries.

Discuss.

CALLED IT

 

event exploded into drama and everyone left feeling either terribly awkward, horribly upset, or some combination of the two 

 

friend got waaaaaay too drunk and waaaay too belligerent and said some fucked-up stuff to his sort-of girlfriend and then got pissed off when she told him not to touch her for the rest of the night and to fuck off

 

so I ended up having to mediate and do damage control and have the same circular conversation with him about how he was too drunk to handle it and he should go to sleep and worry about it tomorrow over and over

 

and then ended up fucking him after he'd sobered up this morning which was like, wat

 

I guess a rekindled sexual interest in me is a somewhat positive outcome of the situation I guess

 

also I have a whole fuckton of coloring books and crayons that people left here, fuck yes

My heart just isn't in it.

I can try, pretend, but honestly? My heart's not in it right now. I know this is cryptic and no, I don't feel like explaining it.

I need a little while to get over a broken heart.

I've only been able to check in here for a few minutes at night while I've been away working a boat show for the  last three days. But some of my favorite's posts indicate there's been some drama around here that I missed. Anyone want to give a brief summary and/or provide links to relevant posts?

Thanks

When it comes to human sexuality in general, sexual orientation is more fluid than fixed. There are people who are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and pansexual. Then, there are straight men who have sex with other men for reasons other than orientation (i.e. taking what’s available, less fear of rejection, enjoyment of anal stimulation, general curiosity, etc.). There are also gay men who occasionally have sex with women and lesbians who occasionally have sex with men for reasons other than orientation. And, of course, gender identity (whether a person identifies as male, female, or gender neutral despite genitalia) adds yet another layer.

As for me, I think some women are attractive; but, I am more attracted to men than I am women. In college, I had feelings for two female friends. However, those feelings had everything to do with the women themselves and nothing to do with their gender. My attraction to men, on the other hand, seems to be based on personality and gender. But that’s just me; we’re all different.

In response to I was reading with my eyes closed....really. by RougeMercury:

 

I find my job incredibly boring the majority of the time. I knowthis is not the exception, nor am I under any misconception that Iam suffering or a victim of my circumstances. My daily duties areonly challenging in their simplicity and I often find my body isphysically shutting down due to the lack of stimuli. This job isthe reason I came to England. My only goal was to work in Europeand I achieved that. I like it here. I want to stay.

 

I signed up for online college courses again. I still havefailed to complete my Bachelor's degree and maintain the foundationknowledge of a toddler. I have completed all of the fun courseslike painting and technical writing. Now, I have to completeBiology 101 and College Algebra. I am hoping I can complete someschoolwork while in the office, that it will provide some sort ofengaging quality.

 

Truth be told, I wish there were play areas outside of officebuildings. An adult jungle gym which sounds slightly pervy due

... (continued)

So, I've been playing this video game where you unlock extra content when accomplish certain feats. And my best friend gave me a book of sex positions for Christmas. So then I see on the OkCupid homescreen:

New Positions Available!

Hahaha, "Achievement unlocked!"

Sunday. 01-29-2012

Song of the week: K'naan - Take a minute

And any man who knows a thing knows He knows not a damn, damn thing at all And every time I felt the hurt And I felt the givin' gettin' me up off the wall

Movie of the week: My life without me

[Ann writes in journal] Ann: THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE. Ann: 1. Tell my daughters I love them several times. Ann: 2. Find Don a new wife who the girls like. Ann: 3. Record birthday messages for the girls for every year until they're 18. Ann: 4. Go to Whalebay Beach together and have a big picnic. Ann: 5. Smoke and drink as much as I want. Ann: 6. Say what I'm thinking. Ann: 7. Make love with other men to see what it's like. Ann: 8. Make someone fall in love with me. Ann: 9. Go and see Dad in Jail. Ann: 10. Get false nails. And do something with my hair.

Food of the week: Fried chicken drumsticks with sauteed onions, spinach and olives

Book of the week: After the Ecstasy, the Laundry - Jack Kornfield "For minds obsessed by compulsive thinking and grasping, you simplify your meditation practices to just two words-'let go'-rather than try to develop this practice, and then develop that, achieve this and go into that [...] Instead of becoming the world's expert on Buddhism and being invited to great international conferences, why not just 'let go', 'let go', 'let go'? [...] So I'm making it very simple for you, to save you from getting caught in an

Last night I made a beef curry, and for something different I put in three largish potatoes, cut fairly small, in order to thicken it, let them fall apart, and when I thought I had about ten minutes of cooking time left added a double handful of cubed jicama.  Eor thinks jicama would be better in a korma, but I thought it worked out pretty well. :)  
Tonight we had leftovers (there's TONS of leftovers) and went to town on the chutneys - broke out those <a href="http://cyberquail.livejournal.com/profile">cyberquail</a> sent us over a year ago (we opened them in August, and they're still fine. :))  I particularly like the pear chutney!  And Eor made his famous garlic chutney, and made pappadums (so glad he learned how to do those in the oven, he's getting very good at them.)  
I also took out a little of cyberquail's mincemeat and it's waiting to go on top of ice-cream, when I've recovered a little. :)  
I should really go walk on the treadmill for a while.  I didn't really overeat, but I haven't walked for like four days and... yeah.  Exercise would be good.

So, I posted a new pic of myself last night, but I'm not sure if I'm going to keep it up for long.  Can you tell my Aunt made me pose with the flower?  Do I have an obvious "I'm putting up with this" expression?  I adore her, she's SO sweet, but it was the end of a long day, we'd been all over Palm Beach

Sorry I haven't been around. I've been having health issues lately. A flare-up of Fibromyalgia, plus unexplained dizziness/vertigo/nausea/heart palpitations. So far all of the diagnostic tests have come back negative: EKG, MRI, holter monitor, VNG (inner ear/central nervous system), lab work, etc. It's very frustrating. I haven't driven in weeks. The only thing that keeps me functioning for a period of time is anti-dizzy medication and when that wears off, it comes back with avengeance. 

 

I haven't written (with the exception of 100 word flash fictions) in over two months. I'm missing out on Literotica's Valentine's Day Contest even and I'm actually eligible again to place (after I placed 6 months ago with Lavender and Love. :(

Tomorrow I go to the cardiologist to see what they have to say or what tests they want me to do.

 

I hope you are all well!

 

 

9.30. From the Times:
"She bears an extraordinary likeness to Wilde in later life," an
official elaborated, reacting to allegations that Brighton and
Hove Council have wasted taxpayers' money by commissioning Julie
Burchill to stand in a special "Oscar Wilde dock" for Brighton's
Gay Week in February. The buxom newspaper columnist will lip-sync
to Stephen Fry's reading the words "The world mocks at it and
sometimes puts one in the pillory for it". Caroline Lucas, MP for Brighton
Pavilion, said, "This is exactly the sort of thing that will get
our economy moving again, and do a lot of good for gay people up
and down the country at the same time".

Any runners out there?

How do you stay in shape as you recover from an injury? In my case I am six weeks from arthroscopic surgery. Physically, I feel great. But the fact I am unable to run I need to find a way to stay in shape. Suggestions?

So today since it's my day off and it's very nice out I decided to do something a little different since my brother needed to use the car today. He suggested I run from our place out to Lake Merced and to the beach and back. He warned me that it looks like on easy run on the map but not to be fooled so I figured what the hell. It was actually a pretty fun and somewhat challenging run. It was more about endurance and I think I did fairly well. Though it's a curious thing. Out on Ocean beach near Sloat there is this one cement pier thing (Seriously I don't know what else to call it. Heh). Lately I find myself climbing on it and then jumping off the top. It takes me a moment before I work up the nerve to jump. I suppose you could say I'm trying to learn to land properly. Heh ever since I saw this one video for tough mudder I think a part of me what's to train differently in case I want to sign up for that race someday. It seems a bit beyond my capabilities. Or maybe I just think it is. Well I'm kinda broke right now so it's not like I could sign up for it at the moment. But man it would be awesome. Though I think for that race having some team mates would be very beneficial. Too bad none of my friends around here like to go running. Lame.

So right now I'm back home stretching a bit and hoping this weather lasts because I definitely need to do this run again. It's challenging and downright awesome!

Woot! Got my ticket and marked my calendar. Gonna be a blast!

In response to Occupy Wall Street twitter black out Cancelled??? by Brookelynne80:

OccupyUSA@Occupy_USA

• Close

#Torrington : Toplessprotesters detained at Davos forumfinance.yahoo.comThree toplessUkrainian p… on.fb.me/zBxqP4 #usrevolution

Occupy Wall Street@OccupyWallSt

• Reply
• ... (continued)

Yesterday I almost bought two betta fish but stopped myself thinking it was an impulse buy.  Went back today and purchased them. *happy dance*

Hard to believe at one time I had a 25gal salt water tank, 10gal fresh water tank, and a 5gal goldfish tank.  Seems like yesterday. 

The bettas look great in their new domiciles. Found these rockin' sphere 1gal tanks that are covered and have LED lights. 

Having something to take care of makes me HAPPY. 

:)

How has your weekend been? 

"Victoria: Don't let them see your weakness. That's the first thing they'll use against you." - Revenge
"Aileen: All you need is love and to believe in yourself. Nice idea. It doesn't exactly work out that way. But I guess it was better to hear a flat-out lie than to know the truth at 13." - Monster
"Angelus: No weapons... no friends... no hope. Take all that away and what's left? Buffy: Me." - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Wiseman: If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." - Sucker Punch
"I don't believe in charmed lives. I think that tragedy is part of the lesson you learn to lift yourself up, to pick yourself up and to move on." - Charlize Theron
"Gibbs: I don't get it, Jack. You had the chalices, the tear, the water - you could have lived forever! Jack: Who's to say I won't live forever? But, you know what? It's a pirate's life for me, savvy?" - Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
"This is Jesus Christ to Tim Tebow, please leave me alone. Don’t you know my day of rest is Sunday? And I’m sick of watching all these Broncos games" - Jimmy Fallon
"Rocket: Have you ever wanted to just take something back? You know, something you said, something you did? Baby Doll: All the time." - Sucker Punch
"Frasier: Cupid and his arrow have declared me an endangered species." - Frasier
... (continued)

Mine is a silky, deep Prussian blue with differently textured patches.  I have fleece sheets because this is freakin' MN here and my room isn't very heated. 

The comforter was a gift from a friend, and is the prettiest blanket I've ever had.  It was given to Soul and me after we moved into the Cities.  We'd lost pretty much everything that can be affected by mold at the farmhouse, where the mold was blooming out of the walls, and this friend brought us bedding for the children, clothes for Silvie, and that comforter - brand new in the bag, and as I said, the prettiest comforter I'd ever had.

Of course, Soul and I were still sleeping on a hideabed mattress on the floor, but at least we looked fabulous while doing so.  And we do have a real bed now.

Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will.

mmmm.... home made brownies. :)

So, I am back in California, fairly indefinitely.

I got a call this past Wednesday morning, from my completely panic-ridden sister, saying my dad had just come out of a colonoscopy and that they'd found an obstruction that turned out to be cancer. Some of you may remember a few years back when I talked about my dad having/beating thyroid cancer. This is apparently a completely unrelated cancer. In fact, the doctors say this existed before the thyroid cancer--they speculate it has been growing for at least 5 years.

I flew down yesterday morning, and I'll be here, taking care of my parents, until things are sorted out as much as possible.

I hate California, but I needed to be here. My parents and my sister are just not handling things well at all. They're all rather craptacular in a crisis situation. As is my brother, who has been completely MIA since he was told what was going on, this past Wednesday. He's supposed to be driving in from the coast, this evening, but we don't know when exactly.

There's a PET scan scheduled this Wednesday, to determine if the cancer is operable, and whether or not it has metastasized to any other areas. Should it prove operable, he'll be booked for surgery the following week. I'll be here at least until after he's completed recovery, and is as back on his feet as possible. He says that if things go well, he's going to rescind his retirement, and start working on a Per Diem basis, 2 times a week. Otherwise, he's

I bought my plane tickets for Super Bowl Weekend yesterday. If you've read my profile, you know I don't care for sports, so why is Super Bowl Weekend so special to me?

It's very simple. On Super Bowl Sunday most everyone, even people who don't normally watch sports, will have their butts parked either on a bar stool or on a couch somewhere. That's a whole lot of butts that won't be places like, say, Disneyland. So, that's what I will be doing on February 5th.

Can't wait.

SAGAL: Peter, as you know, the wedding planning industry is huge, and according to "Good Morning America," a number of companies are now helping women plan their perfect day, even if they don't have what?

GROSZ: A fiancé?

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Planning a wedding before you have a boyfriend...

BABYLON: Is crazy.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: Wait, wait, wait, no, you know what that is?

SAGAL: What is that, Roxanne?

ROBERTS: It's in the American tradition. It's pre-engaged.

SAGAL: Yeah, pre-engaged.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, what it is, planning a wedding without a groom is both a hot new trend, apparently, and it's the worst possible hobby to mention in your Okay Cupid profile.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

Whenever I hear somebody talk about Romeo and Juliet, I have to laugh and provoke a conversation about how--in the present day--Romeo would be a convicted sex offender, serving time in federal prison, with a parental restraining order against him. Also, he'd probably be raped to death by his block mates - ya know, as a perfectly appropriate, socially-acceptable form of frontier justice for his 'unspeakable crimes.'
When mainstream society has devolved to such an extreme extent that the status quo is now far more ridiculous than even Shakespearean drama, I really have to wonder about those folks who just can't get enough of it all. I have to maintain faith that, somewhere, there are still people who consciously realize how freakin' crazy "normal life" and "normal people" are.

 

I could add my kids if someone wants to fight about that being dangerous on a dating site. Our last snowfall. Haven't gotten much this year. OH NOESSSSS! Global warming fights!

Charly Out!

come for the dates, stay to watch it implode.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjOtGgxaX5g

 

*pops popcorn*

*has one sided conversation with self*

*fits right in*

i'm like sooo done with the poorland town portland. it's freezing, boring, and even though i have a job and a home i don't feel like i have anything. i started throwing random stuff out cause i'm just going to up and move to a warmer state like next week. yay! when the going gets tough the tough get leaving.
"the polar bears offer the parrot no good advice." if there were ever any words of good wisdom, let those be it. even though i have no family support, screw it. this is my life, in non action, i'm not going to spend it sitting around indoors while the outside world freezes watching t.v. some people spend their lives forever playing out planet earth level two. (forever the material gain warfare.) i'm taking the warp zone back home.

having earned over a dozen blumpkins (ok, ok, having *paid for* over a dozen blumpkins) here on okcupid since i joined, i am super pissed that they're deleting everyones blumpkins pages here.  my blumpkins earned me massive street cred as they proved to readers that ive got real friendships with real women and im not really the nutjob my profile might otherwise suggest i am.  does anyone know why these SOBs are destroying our blumpkins pages?  is it because of that =====women are like apples====dude?

you were falling in love; now you’re only falling apart.  Something I can do?...like stuffing myself in your cunt?  And you need me now tonight.  And you need me more than ever.  An if I’d only fuck you right, then you’d drink my cum forever.
(Bonnie Tyler eat your heart out.)
Ladies: I beseech you…allow me to help you to fuck the pain away.

1. Would someone please explain to the internet that I've already purchased a Moleskine calendar and new running shoes? These ads are nagging me.

2. Enduring mystery... why don't I have Univision? There's a local affiliate. I don't know how they manage to broadcast over the air to approximately 1.5 million people while avoiding me. I get excellent reception of all the other over the air channels. Why has Univision forsaken me? What if I want to watch futbol? Or work on my Spanish?

3. How bored do I need to be before I clean out the refrigerator?

4. Do I watch Downton Abbey on TV tonight or wait until tomorrow to watch it on the internet? I watched the first (2 hour long) episode on TV and found the lack of commercials and a pause button to be quite inconsistent with the refreshing of my cocktail.

5. I need to _________ .

dear members with the word "girl" in their username, if you're over 35, you may want to change "girl" to "woman" or "lady" or somethin.  im just sayin.  also, women with the word "sexy" in their username?  not sexy.

dont hate the player, hate the game.

 

http://www.facebook.com/events/286261718095492/

 

It will be fun.

This is my first journal post.  I'm not really sure who gets to see this or how it works, exactly, but I figure I'll give it a try because something has been on my mind recently.

I see some women on this site and other sites say, "chivalry isn't dead".  Well, it may not be dead, but it's definitely in its final hours.  With the push for gender equality increasing, being chivalrous can almost be viewed as a form of sexism.  Would you rather be treated as an equal, or like a lady?  The two can't co-exist.  I don't rush to open doors for my guys friends, why should I do it for you?  What makes you different?  What automatically gives you precedence?  

I find that whenever I or any of my single friends try to be chivalrous, women tend to take advantage of it and abuse it.  They use kindness for free dinners and drinks, then instantly "friendzone" the gentleman and continue to try to extort free things from him. Do you think this encourages gentleman-like behavior?

If anything, I think it may be viewed as a form of weakness and submissiveness, which is a definite turn-off to women.  Unfortunately (yes, this made me very sad to realize) women tend to respond to jerk-ish douchebaggy behavior rather than kindness.  They SAY they wish to meet a gentleman, but what they REALLY respond to is an a--hole who doesn't give a sh-t.  I've tried being both a nice guy and a jerk.  Guess which one works

I like to write and many times I am give flashes of inspiration, be it divine, who knows. Please keep in mind this is a work of FICTION.

 

As I lay awake, I cannot help but wonder where I went wrong. Was it a choice that I made? Was it predetermined since before my birth.

For as long as I can remember, I've known that I was different from everyone else. While growing up I could never place the difference between everyone and myself. It finally was high school when I understood it. It was superiority. I was better than everyone else. And even though at a young age I did not know why I was different, I did know to hide it.

So I live a double life. One is the life everyone sees, a smart young man that enjoys the company of others. Easily laughs and generally has a sunny disposition. He is full of ambition and dreams, works full-time, and is loving of his family.

The other life is one filled with darkness. This life is just under the surface of the one everybody sees. It is as plain as day the moment I am alone. Dark and brooding, full of self-loathing, and hatred for all things. It is selfish, egomaniacal, and sociopathic.

Weekend in Wales

They say every picture tells a story. hmmmmmm.....

After rolling in the mud.

not just breakfast, this is man breakfast.

dressed up for a walk

Summit reached. Is this not how normal people dress?

beer then

real walk then

... (continued)

I am constantly amazed by the amount of people in their 30s and 40s that answer "no" to the question "Do you keep a budget of your finances?"

If you don't keep a budget, how to do you save money? Keep from over-spending? Make sure everything is paid on time?  Build for the future?

It baffles me. 

Two Fridays ago temperatures plunged below freezing and it started snowing heavily. Within the hour we were outside snowball fighting. This past Friday it was mid sixties and people were out in shorts getting a tan.

The inconsistency definitely makes things interesting. Will we end up shifting to a point where we could experience any weather possibility at any given point of the year?

I guess perhaps I've got very different standerds for what is & isn't polite. When I check out some ones profile Ialways try to leave some kind of comment or send them a message so they know that took real notice of what they have shared. To me it's just the polite thing to do. When some one sends me a message I always try to respond even if it's only to politely tell them that I'm not interested in pursueing a connection with them, this is the only polite way to do things as I see the world. It seems that I'm amoung a damn few that place a real value on common cortesy any more for I'm finding very few people who extend to me the simple politeness that I always try to extend to others. That makes a kind of sad statement about the world I think.

*Sigh*

 

How sad is it, to be in your 30s, busting hump to write a book that your starting to loose faith in, have a loser live in your living room who keeps making promises and never acomplishes anything, and stuck in a job that castrates any semblance of a social life.

Not depressing enough?  Okay, lets add in that theres no romantic relationship on the horizon, that youve given up even praying for it after 18 plus years, and youve heard every itteration of how horrible a being you must be because of your mass. 

Not enough yet?  Sure, lets add some more.

Previously mentioned prayers? Have been happening to every friend youve had for the last 15 years. You get to smile, and watch as these people find their loves, settle down and have wonderful families.  And all you get to do, is smile awkwardly and wonder why you get left in the cold. 

Welcome to my hell. 

So change!Oh sure.  Im a friggin truck driver.  1. Exercise aint exactly kosher when youve got to drive 1000 miles and do it within 50 hours, plus do it legal.  It kinda puts a crimp in things.  Eating healthy isnt really compatible either. Despite the popular concept.

2.  Social life doesnt exsist when you only get 34 to 45 hours at home.  That time is usually spent doing laundry, cleaning, cooking, or trying to destress from the insane week of dealing with every tom dick and harry with no IQ. 

During the summer of 2010, I changed my answer to "The six things I could never do without". I wrote my original answer in Feb 2010, and you can read it here.

 

---

 

1. Intellectual stimulation.

2. Creative expression. I sometimes express myself through photography, but usually I express myself through words. I like to create solutions to problems. This is different than intellectual stimulation, which is when the world teaches me something new. By "creative expression", I mean that I like to find ways to make the world better. I used to believe that if I had a solution, but nobody listened to my idea, then I had "failed." When a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, however, it does make a sound. When I realized that the tree makes a sound, I realized that I love creative expression just for the process, and it is not necessary that anyone else agrees with me.

3. Regular access to bathing, with hot water. (Also on my original list, below.) I am always in a better mood if I have time to take a hot bath in the morning. Besides feeling better physically, a bath/shower is my time to meditate and feel better emotionally.

4. Back scratches. Seriously. Wooden

Around February 2010, the following was my answer to "The six things I could never do without"

<hr>

Honestly, I am not fond of this essay prompt. On the one hand, I was born with a tendency towards asceticism, and I would like to believe that I could live without anything. On the other hand, that's stupid. 

On two occasions, I have traveled for a month with only one backpack. So I guess the "things I could never do without" were in the backpack. (I am interpreting "things" to mean physical objects rather than more abstract "things" like "love".) 

In no particular order:

1. Music. I had an iPod Shuffle and a computer with me. I am always listening to music. I like discovering new music. 

2. My computer? I've been a computer geek for most of my life: first computer at age 9; first email in 1991; first computer job 1996; etc. I use my computer for music, to connect with people, to store my photography, to find information, and more. Sadly, I guess my computer is something I must have. More evidence: when I lived in China, and they would block Google or Wikipedia, it would bug the crap out of me.

3. Good food. I hated the food in China, and there were countries I loved the food more than other countries (e.g., France = great). Right now [edit: meaning when I originally wrote this in spring 2010], I live in a gourmet desert, and it is stressful, so I guess good food. But, if we need to be more

I really hate the way I look in most photos, what do you think?  Which photos look good and which ones don't, let me know.

 

I can fucking be sad if I want to be.

...you were falling in love; now you’re only falling apart.  Something I can do? Like stuffing myself in your cunt?  And you need me now tonight.  And you need me more than ever.  An if I’d only fuck you right, then you’d drink my cum forever.
(Bonnie Tyler eat your heart out.)
Ladies: I beseech you…allow me to help you to fuck the pain away.

I was thinking (I'm now on the second season of Son's of Anarchy and as long as Jax and Tara are together and happy, I'm happy)- that either Shakespeare managed to capture and distill every human drama... or the people who are screen writers for syndicated TV are all English Lit nerds at heart.

I'm jealous- I wasn't allowed to double major in Lit and Biology and the chance to write and brainstorm and weave a thousand complexities, loose ends to be caught up- details to be dropped and brought up for later would be one I would wish for, but one for which I fear inadequacy like nothing else.  But stories capture me- from convoluted movies, TV shows of machiavellian complexity to fairy tales from the world round, arabian nights, the mahabharata, anansi, brair rabbit, la souchenyet with her woman skin and circle of salt, la llorona... every cultural flavor of a different tale or the same one of social interaction and attempts to explain and capture the world and its context-- and then for the artist to manipulate.  

I think it's the social interaction that my brain attaches to- the colors and flavors of personalities and behavior- the way the world works and doesn't except in dreams and stories. "I won't remember your name, but I'll remember your story.  Remind me- was it you who..."  But I was scolded, early on, to write about what I know- only to discover my previously unrecognized concern that I didn't know anything and my implacable desire to

Hey, heterosexual females and homosexual males. Don't freak out if I visit your profile, message you, or give you 4/5 stars. I am not trying to get into your pants. I am genuinely interested in finding platonic friendship and conversational partners on this site. I know a lot of people on here are lying when they list themselves as looking for friends but that's not me. So don't automatically be like "Sorry, I'm not interested in girls." because it's very unlikely that I wanted to have sex with you in the first place. I probably just thought you were interesting and wanted to TALK to you.

 

So, yeah. =) If I'm friendly to you, don't assume that I'm hitting on you. I am naturally flirty but 75% of the time I do it in a very joking manner and it is not something you should take seriously or be offended by.

i'm rarely excited by someone.

but when i am it's pretty much the best sign you could ever ask for.

why ruin that?

that's what you should have noticed, instead you looked for the worst.

I keep wanting to go through my inbox, reread old notes, see if there is anything I want to save. Then it's gets too tedious or sad or annoying or whatever. I am a HOARDER of old emails.

 

Working up the will to just kill this damn thing today.  But I probably won't.

Yesterday being such a lovely day, I drove to meet someone I’ve been chatting with a while.

He was worked yesterday and I have a friend living not too far from him so I drove two hours to spend the afternoon with her and then have dinner with him.

When we met in person it was just as great as our conversations and I really liked him more in person. Dinner was fabulous at a Japanese place where we sat on the floor in our own private room – it made the setting romantic.

The whole night flowed so eloquently … until the very end when he decided to 'admit" to me that he still lived in the same house as his ex wife but they were really divorced. After that it was blur and I don’t even remember his reason for them living under one roof but it surly killed a great date night.

I ate some eggs and potatoes this morning drank some milk then walked to the store and bought a 2 little sodas and a chicken sandwhich at McDonald's. I did not eat the chicken sandwhich yet because I was not hungry yet but thought I should save it for later when I am.

Move along people.  I have ceased to be either funny or interesting.  I can still juggle though and you should be jealous.

In response to How do you say these words? by evilcvnt:

In response to How do you say these words? by Azae:

I was talking to an internet friend, who lives in Virginia,abouta new co-worker of hers who is from Chicago. She mentionedthestrong accent, which I found amusing. Mostly because myboyfriend isfrom Virginia, and I think he sounds exactly like me.Other than thefact that he says "soda" instead of "pop" like anormal person.

Anyway, I found some video on YouTube of some guy from some place sayingsomewords, and thought I'd do the same. Minus the video, because Ijust gotin from that infamous Chicago weather, and I look thepart.

I should mention, this is not a Chicago accent. Ilivedin Sandwich, IL (rural area) until I was six, grew up inJoliet, IL(South suburb of Chicago) and have been living in thecity properfor the past two years. So consider this a

... (continued)

Unlike in many other places, where taxi is operated by foreigners, in Tel Aviv it is the place for locals, who didn't want a job, but still aren't in the condition to live on the bench near the beach.

So today I had to take a taxi to the job interview. Well, maybe my appearance welcomes this kind of conversations, but looking at the mirror, I couldn't see any proofs. Right off the bat the driver asked me whether he has to dump his girlfriend. He said his g/f is fat and has small boobs. I grimaced as in trying to change the subject but the driver was looking at the road ahead and didn't notice. For some time he continued telling his life story, how many girlfriends he had, trying to convince me this one doesn't mean much to him. Then he switched the subject to my self.

He first asked whether I am married or am in a relationship. After my negative answer he immediately remembered that he knows someone I may like, and he would of course introduce me. I politely declined the offer. But this didn't discourage the driver from offering another kind of service. He called it "put you on meter" (meter being the device installed in the car to count the time you've been driving). The service would include him driving around the city and picking up any girl so that the other passenger would get a chance to talk to her. He also said he does this to his friends, free of charge of course, but he also needs something to live off, so he doesn't do it too often.

In

the guys at the bike shop call me "Ace" for some reason.

at first I thought it was just what they call guys who they didn't know the names of, but no, just me, everyone else is "dude".

weird.

Sweden 1 yr: I squandered quite a bit of time being a hus fru for min sambo. When I think back to the time I spent there... I see mostly good, but their were a lot of tears. I know that. It's kind of nice how the mind wants to focus on the good though. It's sad that my romance with the boy who visited me one hot Texas summer didn't amount to anything, but I grew so much. We both did. With out him I wouldn't really be the girl I am today. I only truly started to act independently in the last two or three months that I lived there. I never really did act by my own accord before.

When the relationship was fully over, I went to see what was out there and to make life my bitch. Heh, so to speak. I lived life fucking hard in those few months. (some how I knew I wouldn't likely have another shot at it) I loved hard, I played hard, I crashed hard and I worked hard to get where I needed to be.

If I had another chance i'd study the language, i'd become a fluent little minx and i'd make Sweden my home. Probably find a nice subservient (gender roles are flipped in Sweden) Swedish boy and make the babies. Hehe. Though, the idea of having some one with a similar cultural background to myself appeals to me a bit more... that, or some one who at least understands my culture.

 

Either way, I have no regrets living with a man for a year, learning that swedish colleges suck, dealing with endless drama, romance, intrigue and

I'm questioning peoples' intentions when they're looking for a date more and more.  Everyone I encounter who has a boyfriend/girlfriend seems to hate them.  They're at least partially relieved when they're away, complain about something stupid they always do, complain about some annoying/childish trait they just can't stand, or openly admit that they're "not going to be with them forever, but I'll stay for now."

WHAT??

I hear this more from females, that they're looking for someone "willing to change".  Why the hell would you date someone that:

1. You want to be different than the person you chose to be with.

2. You stay with knowing that you ultimately don't want to be with them.

Answer:

You have a very specific person in mind, modeled from various "teen" movies and TV shows that you believe are real, and rather than an endless search for your idea of perfection, you settle on the first guy that has similar looks (since that's hardest to change).  Then you work on breaking him down and trying to make him into something else.  Result?

Pros:

-You'll get a few months or even years (yikes) of sex with someone you barely tolerate.

-You'll get to tell your friends you have a boyfriend/girlfriend

-You feel uncomfortable being alone because you're "not supposed to be", and now you have another body to drag around to family events and act happy in front of nosy aunts with.

It's the only drawback of winter *shakes angry fist*

............ reprinted from dailymail.co.uk

Forget global warming - it's Cycle 25 we need to worry about (and if NASA scientists are right the Thames will be freezing over again)

Met Office releases new figures which show no warming in 15 years

The supposed ‘consensus’ on man-made global warming is facing an inconvenient challenge after the release of new temperature data showing the planet has not warmed for the past 15 years.
The figures suggest that we could even be heading for a mini ice age to rival the 70-year temperature drop that saw frost fairs held on the Thames in the 17th Century.

Based on readings from more than 30,000 measuring stations, the data was issued last week without fanfare by the Met Office and the University of East Anglia Climatic Research Unit. It confirms that the rising trend in world temperatures ended in 1997.

Meanwhile, leading climate scientists yesterday told The Mail on Sunday that, after emitting unusually high levels of energy throughout the 20th Century, the sun is now heading towards a ‘grand minimum’ in its output, threatening cold summers, bitter winters and a shortening of the season available for growing food.

Solar output goes through 11-year cycles, with high numbers of sunspots seen at their peak.
We are now at what should be the peak of what scientists call ‘Cycle 24’ – which is why last week’s solar storm resulted in sightings of the aurora

" 'And they lived happily ever after' is one of the most tragic sentences in literature. It is tragic because it tells a falsehood about life and has led countless generations of people to expect something from human existence that is not possible on this fragile, failing, imperfect earth."
-Joshua Loth Liebman

Had some reoccurring questions about my user name.

Why "toosane"?

My answer to the last of these probes was:

"I'm pretty sure I'm too sane. If the world around me is indeed "reality", then I'm too damn aware of what's going on. Consumer based economy, reality TV shows, world power politics, corporate structures, the dark histories of all countries, non sustainable growth...

Sometime I think I need a lobotomy and then things will look much better and make more sense."

Or maybe I'm just permanently 2 drinks under par.

 

Apart from that, I'm a pretty happy guy and the world is an amazing place to live in. Really. ^_^

I'm a cynic with a little optimist trying to break through.

 

The articles on http://blog.okcupid.com are some of the most amusing and interesting things I read lately! :Dp.s - I did NOT add 2'' to my height on OKC.

The articles on http://blog.okcupid.com are some of the most amusing and interesting things I read lately! :D

 

p.s - I did NOT add 2'' to my height on OKC.

Just saw this TV show for the first time last night. This episode was about piercing. A great source for those interested in it. ​

I will take a day off from work on Monday to prolong my weekend.. Even if I'm not going out.. just staying at home, watching DVDs and reading with a cup of coffee already gives me a weekend enjoyment.. I forever love weekend!

Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. 
  
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.. 
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.  
  
Never let it be said that Aussie ground crews lack a sense of humour. 
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions 
recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. 
  
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. 
  
  
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. 
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. 
  
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. 
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. 
  
P: Something loose in cockpit. 
S: Something tightened in cockpit. 

Im awake I haven't been sleeping real well at all. Works got me all messed up working nights isn't that bad but I don't really like how it's effected my sleeping. I went to bed around close to 1am but I woke up around 5am and couldn't get back to sleep. So I am up again watching the new Fright Night movie. I met someone I am interested in we have gone out several times shes cute seems nice and all I was excited about it but something didn't feel right. I decided I would ask her how she felt now that we have been seeing each other awhile. I thought then I would know whats going on turns out shes wanting to just date for awhile. Im not used to seeing multiple people I don't have a lot of dating experience I don't feel right about seeing multiple women. I know it's not a major issue but it seems to me that when seeing other people you can't really get to involved with anyone. I decided to back off I don't want to come off wrong I like her but im not sure how she feels.

My ex girlfriend and her kids wanted me to hang out so last night I rented some movies and we made Chinese. Didn't want to sit around the house alone on a Saturday. Maybe im just being stupid because im bummed about this single crap I don't know. I meet cool women but never around here really sucks.

I really debated whether I should just let these expire. The jump to arrogance is but a small step. However, I decided to save them because I felt that if someone took the time and effort to write something, then it should be preserved:

sirocco218 gave me: Smarter Than The Average Bear
Blumpkined Nov 12, 2010
“Not many people into Greek Myth around...have you been able to identify the twins at night?  Evening sky is great...falling stars are an awesome treat!”
--
sweetdonna gave me: Brilliant Profile
Blumpkined Jan 6, 2011
“this truly is a brilliant profile. your views on love & how it is all you need are wonderful. i love all the quotes! ”
--
Celest91 gave me: Makes Me Laugh
Blumpkined Mar 5, 2011
“Hun, I have had a spectacular time reading your profile! I do hope you are an author. If you aren't get crackin'! I agree Audrey Hepburn had some of the most wonderful movies. I love Wagner! Everyone should have a theme song (as was pointed out to me by a student); mine would be O Fortuna! - mainly because I play it every time I need inspiration or I'm about to go for it! What would yours be?”
--
 gave me: Brilliant Profile
Blumpkined Apr 5, 2011
“I'm all a-twitter after reading this.  I think I love you. Please, PICK ME!”
--
jeepgirl727 gave me: Brilliant

How you know your tired.... alright so here is the situation. I'm writing a plan, listening to Finnish folk music, and reading a business book. As I'm reading the book the words start to turn into the sounds of the folk singers as I'm passively munching on a carrot swaying back and forth swiveling in my chair. Took me a couple of seconds to realize I was reading the sounds. Oh ya late night fun indeed. (clearly I'm a little more awake after that wtf'ery)

Running the Android OKC phone app, I can't help but feel it shows me as online all the time! Not sure that is a good thing..

I want a Samsung Galaxy S II!!! T^T

inevitable, just inevitable...

 

give it a year or so, even the toughest 39 turns eventually into a 40...

 

I definitely tried to make that last year last... 

I'm always thinking about and discussing how turned off I am by one particular aspect of the status quo: women advertising their bodies like cheap clothing to be bargained for, tried on, put through the wash a few times, and eventually either discarded for being the wrong size or worn out due to complete absence of intellectual fabric softener. Meaningful conversation is just a constipator in social "exchanges" today; it just disturbs everyone's shit. I've mentioned that the more advertising I see, the less I want to buy.
... "Huh?" Yeah, I know, everybody's too busy with Farmville or other super-important Facefookeries to read my insightful social commentary. Fuckin' assholes...
Tragically, as usual, I've been thinking more since then - and I recently realized something else; men nowadays are just as bad--thank you, feminist movement--and as a result, whenever I see women "buying," it has the same effect on me as when they're selling. So, between grown "adult" "women" dressing and acting like hormone-overdriven pre-teens, and even the moderately normal women all fawning over grown "adult" "men" who are dressing and acting like hormone-overdriven pre-teens... I truly believe that there will be a time in the not-too-distant future at which point I will no longer be CAPABLE of mustering any kind of attraction, whether physical or intellectual, for any woman at all - no matter how bad I might want to AND, even more unlikely, even if it might

...a recipe for a black hole.

 

I say, I've got my best shoes on

ready to go.

I feel in control... Ha!
Well, I deleted posts because I dont like thinking about certain people anymore. Makes me shudder.
Times were happy but I just cant be with someone who isnt communicative or on the same level... Ah well!! Better luck next time. :)

How to train to become Ninja, Jim style.
Paato-ichi! : teach yourself patience... at lightning speed! Using only chopsticks, eat an entire bowl of plain rice in under 30 seconds -- one grain at a time. When finished, stare intensely at your chopsticks and bowl until they disintegrate; you will absorb their chi.

How to train to become Ninja, Jim style.
Paato-ni! : teach yourself extreme speed and accuracy, and contextualize their value with the bitter price of failure! From ten feet away, urinate into a beer bottle held by a random child on the street; repeat 666 times. You have 3 days, must remain on the same 1-block stretch of city sidewalk or park - and every child must have a parent or guardian no more than 5 meters away. Police or parental awareness--and especially involvement--constitute failure!

How to train to become Ninja, Jim style.
Paato-san! : use the power of your mind to achieve your goals and overwhelm your enemies. Refuse to succumb to the evils of maintenance! Instead of shaving or styling, you must cultivate a fierce, hypnotic stare, and use it to evoke your super-powerful self image directly into the fragile minds of others! By taking the offensive, you give the weak and fanciful no opportunity to blemish your social invisibility with their annoying, scene-causing--and did I mention annoying?--judgments.

How to train to become Ninja, Jim

You know when they say when one door closes another one opens would be true in my life. Well I never thought that by closing a door that I so badly wanted to keep open, would open the biggest door to the most wonderful life I could imagine. Who would have thought that by leaving behind the life that I've always lived would be a blessing. I never thought that by finally letting go and starting again would be the best thing for me. I love it here in Korea. I miss home but I love it here. It's something that I've always dreamed of and never thought it would be a reality. I'm teaching and travelling. I'm optimistic about my future. I have a great job. I'm travelling and seeing the world, and I love my life. All of it. The messy past, the brilliantly shaped future....all that is missing or possibly not missing...is finding the love of my life to share my adventures with.